missing: 39 year old woman

BREAKING NEWS STORY: The AP has just released an "over-the-hill" alert for a missing 39 year old woman. The 39 year old woman was last seen the day prior to her birthday. She is believed to have left town to avoid reaching old age. This 39 year old could possibly be needing special medical care in the near future as old age catches up with her. Please comfort her if you see her around anywhere. She may need special assistance returning to new life. Please notify her husband if she is found (but speak loudly to him as he is 39 years old also).

BREAKING NEWS STORY: The Bynum family is happy to announce the birth of the newest 40 year old to the family. Amy Bynum, 40 years old, was found to be alive and well on 6/6/08. She is in good spirits and seems to feel as if she is still 39 years old. If possible, please allow her to remain out of touch with her reality.