Observations through the smoke

Welcome John and Amy to the night life...As some of you may know, John and I have been going out more lately to see our favorite "little band", Sayer Mcshane (see picture at right). Anyway, NO we have NOT become little partay animals. However, I have been enlightened to what night life at pubs and sports bars can be like. The following comments will be from a sober person observing lots of drinking folks.

The other night I made the wise decision that ALL alcohol drinkers need to go out completely sober one night and make a list of things that they should NEVER do when drinking and watching a band. Here is the list as I see it:
1. Unless you are truly a good guitar player in real life...NEVER (and I mean NEVER) play air-guitar. It is just simply stupid looking no matter how sober or drunk you are.

2. Don't stand facing the lead singer and sing the songs TO her. Again, simply stupid. This is NOT your show and your singing is not amusing her or us. You look like you need to get a life and go sit back down with your friends, if you have any with you there.

3. Please watch your dancing. While dancing alone is fine with me, dancing alone as if you are dancing with someone is crazy. Be careful not to be too into it and don't touch yourself in any way. And, keep your eyes open, literally. Really, you're looking stupid up there. I like to see silly fun, but if you are in a drunk zone...you're looking pitiful. P.S. please don't jump up in a chair and start dancing in your leopard print 1980's pants. Ditto: stupid. If you are going to table dance, you need to really have it going on.

Having said all that, here is my personal persective on going out: I have become a master at "shoulder dancing". You know the folks like me that don't quite have the nerve to fully get up there and dance so they do some serious dancing in their seats: thus, shoulder dancing. Now I'm concious of "shoulder dancing" too much. Maybe I just need to get a little more nerve and get up and dance. John says there isn't enough alcohol in the place to make him dance. So, I'd be dancing solo and you read all my previous notes about walking that thin line.

Secondly, I've realized that catching the eye of some drunk person can seem flattering, perhaps. However, there should be NO flattery in this, folks. DRUNK PEOPLE ARE IMPAIRED. Everything is looking good to them. (Especially as the night goes on.)

In Summary, I have summarized my late nights out to this: In the first hour I feel so young again. The music is loud and rocking, it's smokey and I'm not thinking at all about my lung health, and we're hanging out just like we did we were were in our 20's. Then things start to plateau out. By the last hour I'm feeling REALLY old. It's 1:00am and I'm getting sleepy. My head hurts and I can hardly breathe in this place. Some folks are acting ridiculously silly and I'm wanting to get in my car and beat them out of the parking lot to the drive home (if you know what I mean). The staff, the band, and I are the few left sober in the place. Are we on the last song yet? Guess I'll see everyone there next time.