Cuties: my thoughts

 DISCLAIMER:

1.   It is NEVER ok to expose girls in such positions as this movie does.

2.   I don’t claim to be expert parent or to imply that I’ve done all things right...I’m not and I haven’t.

When I first heard of Cuties and saw clips of it, I must confess, I thought it was some sort of reality documentary about young girls’ dance teams.   So, last night when I watched it I was surprised that it has a message.   

I THINK CUTIES SHOULD STAY AVAILABLE TO WATCH and here’s why....

If we think Cuties is disgusting, inappropriate, and wrong....then great!   You can help us fix our disgusting, inappropriate, and wrong society!

First and foremost: if any viewer is concerned that some pervert is probably getting his/her thrills watching this movie you are probably right.  But I believe those same perverts enjoy seeing our daughters’ in the bathing suits, cheer, dance, volleyball, and puckered lips pictures frequently posted too.  So I’ll move on...

Here is the value (I believe) in this movie.  It shows us all ALOT of problems young kids face today that need to change.

1.  Home life:    While I believe her mom means well and is, I assume, doing her best, Amy’s home life is a mess.  Dad is not there.  (But coming with his second wife).    Amy’s mom and auntie have their own set of pressures they put on Amy (with good intentions).  She overhears her mom being instructed to accept her husband’s new wife even when she doesn’t want to.  The family has secrets she’s forced to just accept.  And, she has ADULT-like responsibilities of looking after her brothers and grocery shopping.  (I assume these were out of family necessity).   Not exactly the ideal environment to instill self worth, self acceptance, and self-importance.   

2.  Unfiltered technology:  Amy managed to steal a cell phone and that opens up all the doors to these vulgar possibilities.  But we know it’s not just phones.   Magazines and music can promote such actions too.   She’s a kid and naturally soaks in what she’s sees and the responses those actions get.   

3.  Friend groups:   She’s picked on and gravitates toward these certain girls who SEEM to be full of self-confidence.    Then there’s peer pressure, girl drama and fickleness.   They push one girl out (after they fight her) then let Amy in, then only to change it all back in the end.   Amy takes their dancing moves to a different level after including moves she’s seen on the phone.   Yet, when she thinks she’s done the ultimate “cool” thing by posting the crotch shot..she’s crossed some line that now her “friends” alienate her for.  Talk about society’s mixed messages....

4.  Us....family and society:   What are we telling our young folks? (Reference my picture above).    If you notice in the movie, as the girls do the last dance..the crowd just cheers and cheers until...it gradually becomes too much and slowly the crowd realizes what they have cheered and encouraged and where it has led. Thus is our society....  THIS (Cuties) is what we have slowly but surely created without meaning to.  

I liked the end of the movie and hope it is redeeming.  Her mom shows her a mom’s love and supports Amy.   This was so dear because at this point she has no friends, she’s disappointed her auntie immensely, her dad has let her down...and it comes back to MOM.   She ends the movie wearing age-appropriate clothes, jumping rope, and smiling.  I hope this means she lives “happily ever after”. 

I think most, like me, will find the movie disturbing.  But I believe it is completely relevant to our times.  So, I think it needs to be out there.   The truth hurts but it’s still the truth.  We can make changes!  

Just my thoughts.   

Priceless cheap stuff

We all have those decorations or traditions that aren’t expensive but mean so much.  This nativity set is one of mine.   I purchased it on the day after Christmas in 1991.   John and I had just gotten engaged and so I was crazy excited to go out early that December 26th with Mommy for those post-Christmas sales.   In this trip I would be buying stuff for the first Christmas in John and my home the following year.   I found this set at Kerr Drugs (now no longer existing).   It was half off the original price of $14.99.  Since then it’s been a focal point of our Christmas EVERY year.  Sure, there are fancier and more beautiful sets to be had; and, truthfully, I’ve desired them at times.  But I can’t part from keeping this one as my only one.   I bought it with a dream and excitement in my heart.   It’s tried and true and unchanging just like my Lord.  It is enough.  It will always be enough.

Things I know.

Things I know:

• Everyone has a story.  All the good and bad we like or dislike about someone is truly formed by their story.  The story shapes us and forms us.  Everyone is interesting.  
• Love overcomes a lot...like a whole lot.  It is POWERFUL.  TRUE caring and love will lead to understanding, forgiveness, compassion, happiness, support, peace, and commitment.
• The opposite of love is NOT hate.  The opposite of love is apathy.  Hate is just love with hurt feelings.  Apathy is being without emotion or care at all.  It is moving on instead of staying behind.
• Grief is enormous.  It is all encompassing.  Loss is the heaviest emotion.  It changes a person forever.
• Life isn't "all about me".  Life's meaning and purpose will never be found by focusing on me.
• We aren't guaranteed to live a long life.  We assume that is how it should be but where is that written? No where.  Some people aren't supposed to live to old age.  Their purpose and role in humanity take a different course.  It's all part of a bigger plan.  
• There are no coincidences.  Everything is orchestrated and planned by a power bigger than we humans.  And, if we look for these moments we will see them more and more.
• Trust your gut.  Our minds are powerful and completely intuitive to every encounter we have.  There is always at least some truth to that gut instinct.
• First impressions matter.  You can never go back to change that first opinion.  
• Being silly is an important way to deal with some of the burdens of adult life.  Being silly comforts us, connects us, and frees us.

The most UNBELIEVABLE person I’ve met!!!!

Meet Freddie Hammer....    about 18 years ago he was a family friend.  John had met him at the farmers market.  He was from the N.C. mountains.  He lived in town during the fall weeks to sell pumpkins grown in the mountains here at the Raleigh market.  He and his wife Brenda were so nice that John had offered for them to stay at our house if ever needed.  They never did need to stay.  

Later in the year, Mr & Mrs Bynum, John, Libby and I would make the day trip to Crumpler, NC to spend the day at Freddie and Brenda’s home.   Freddie knew of some land for rent and John was considering growing a future crop of pumpkins in the mountain climate.  We spent time at their home.  They had a nice country home and barns and the neatest small cool-climate barn where Brenda kept all the jars she had full of canned foods.  For some reason Freddie had some new merchandise in one of his barns.  He gave Mrs B and me Lance-type big cookie jars to have.  I still use mine.  We met his stepson, Laramie (like in Wyoming) and granddaughter Cheyenne.  We went to lunch together and I remember him talking about being a lay-pastor and preaching on occasion.

It was a good and normal visit.   BUT...little did we know that we had just spent the entire day with a SERIAL KILLER.  Yes, you read that right.

Fast forward to several years later.  We had basically lost touch with Freddie.  I happened to see the headline that he had been arrested and charged with three murders.  He would go on to be convicted of shooting all three men in their heads when they interrupted him stealing the safe at their Christmas Tree Farm.  Freddie has previously worked for the owner.

Evidently, he had a past of serving time in Pennsylvania in 1978 for killing an off duty police officer. He had gotten out of prison on an appeal claiming it was self defense.  He had, admittedly, moved to N.C. so people wouldn’t know his past.   It would eventually be proven that had killed several other people:  his brother-in-law in 2007, another local person in 2005,  and a TN woman in 2001.  He claimed to a fellow inmate that he has killed 17 people.  He also stated that he “thought he would commit one more murder, probably in prison”.   And, he wants to write a book.

Needless to say, I’m glad we survived that day.  You may just never know.  Definitely the most unbelievable encounter I’ve ever had...

When the ordinary is actually extraordinary

The other day I found myself looking at the ordinary and seeing the extraordinary.

The picture above appears pretty blank and perhaps meaningless.  This is the (former) fireplace at Mommy and Daddy's house.  This mantel is around 100 years old and is located in what would have been her old family's living room.

So what is extraordinary about this?

Well, years ago before electricity and lights, and stoves, and television, the fireplace was where families gathered.  It was the hub of the house.  Whereas richer families had sitting parlors, regular families often used this area to come together at the end of the day.  The fireplace was the source of heat for warmth and cooking.  It was a source of light.  Maybe Mama would be sewing while Daddy read from the Bible.  Perhaps the children were doing their schoolwork or playing a game.  Here sat extended family when they came for a visit. 

The flickering fire was comforting and an invitation for relaxation.  With this, the hearth became symbolic of the entire home; thus starting the saying "hearth and home".

But even more extraordinary but very appropriate was that such mantels would be elaborately decorated.  Of course, such a featured area of a home would deserve such attention.  The mantel in the picture above was pieced together ornately by Mommy's "Papa".  Her granddaddy, Addison Stephenson, designed this decor.  His hands placed all these pieces, especially impressive in a time of no power tools or such.  Mr. Add (as he was known to many) gave extra care to this family gathering spot.   How meaningful then and how meaningful now.  Still here through the century....pretty extraordinary to me.

Goodbye Red Bag....

Today I say goodbye to my red bag.  This ever present bag was also known as my "hospital bag".  It's spent far too much time by my side.  I bought it to hold anything and everything I might need during trips to the hospital with Mommy and/or Daddy.  I bought bright, shiny red on purpose.  I needed it to stand out and be easily seen or found in moments of need. 

When I think of red now, I realize it's the color of extremes: danger signs,  anger emojis, fire blazes, and blood.  It tells us in signs to "stop" and "do not enter".  In retrospect, maybe I should have chosen a different color.

This bag has held it all:  lots of med lists, doctor's notes, calendars and reminders, notebooks and pens.  It held phone chargers, magazines, books and a
book light.  It held change for vending machines and a multitude of snacks.  Mommy liked chocolate or nuts.  Many times it held a Boberry Biscuit for her.  Daddy liked circus peanuts, Boston beans candy, and orange slices.  (most of the time Laura always got them into the room for him before me).  And of course, nabs and Maple Nut Goodies (the official Baker family candy) were staples.  I used my red bag to bring extra underwear and to hold extra hearing aide batteries. 

The bag also held things from home...my Bible, bills to pay, christmas cards to address, Lib's scholarship or college applications to review, Pharmacy readings, and my list of things to do once home again.

I'd throw in a sweatshirt....hospitals (especially nights) can be cold...and lonely.

Looking back, I realize my bag held more than these things.  It held worry and concern and fear.  It was there for me but mostly in tough times.  Inside the bag is a small pocket.  I kept the pocket full of faith and hope and laughs and good times. 

I liked it most when the bag held good news and discharge papers.

So today, I say "goodbye red bag".  I'm moving on.  Maybe I'll get another red bag:  one that is the color of ladybugs or roses or cardinals or red hearts and ruby slippers. 

Feelin' the Love

Woke up this Thanksgiving day thinking about my blessings and instantly thought about how the Bible clearly states that "the greatest of these is LOVE".  So today I am consumed with how thankful I am for love.  If we think about it, all the other emotions seem to spur from love.  Grief clearly is the result of a love we have felt.  Sadness, perhaps, is having love and happiness unfulfilled. Love can keep us from feeling lonely.   I believe hate even comes from "love with hurt feelings".  Love makes us care for others and keeps others caring for us even  on our bad days.  Where do we find love???  First, we can easily find an undeserved love from our Lord.  It's an unfailing love.  Next, I feel a lot of love from my family.  I, personally, can't imagine not having each one of them in my daily life.  This year has certainly increased my bond with them.  In addition, I feel love with my friends.  I can't really express how much a smile, laugh, or even an exasperating sigh with my friends can be fulfilling.

We live in a world that seems so negative these days based on what we see on the news.  But, in reality, there is far more love in the world.  If I step back and look, I see love when a stranger greets me with a "good morning", when someone holds the door open for me, when someone lets me out in traffic, when I share a laugh with someone I don't know, or when we give and receive prayers from others.

So, my thanksgiving thoughts keep going to LOVE.  For me, it is completely fulfilling.  The Lord's love is my core and the world's love fills in the rest of the gaps.  If you are reading this....I love you in a way you may not even know....but now you do ;)